December 7, 2007

THE PEACE THAT PASSES UNDERSTANDING

Philippians 4:1-7

There were once two women missionaries. They were assigned as ministry partners and the only missionaries on a remote mission station. One was a nurse, responsible for managing the local dispensary or clinic. The other was a teacher, and given the task of starting and running a local girls’ school. They arrived with high ideals and great enthusiasm. The accommodation provided by the mission was a duplex. Two homes in one, with separate entrances, but a connecting door between the two living rooms. They each moved into their respective homes, but the door between the two remained open. They would pass easily and often into and out of each other’s homes through the connecting door. They shared their dreams and their visions for the ministry. They prayed regularly together. They shared many meals together. They each felt that they had found more than a ministry partner, but a close friend as well.

Weeks turned into months. Over time, the initial euphoria started to fade. They began to discover their differences. One liked to stay up late, and then start her day late. The other liked to go to bed early and get up early. Their taste in music was different. One was an introvert, the other loved to talk. One was rather haphazard in her personal habits and organizational style. The other was meticulous, with a place for everything and everything in its place. Small irritations grew into major conflict points. Harsh words were spoken. They began to close the door between the two apartments, and insisted on knocking before coming in.

Months turned into years. Tensions continued to build and were never fully resolved. The door was now not only closed, but it was locked. Over time, it was used so seldom they actually put furniture across in front of the door: a cabinet on one side, a chair on the other. To enter one another’s homes, they now went outside and around the house and knocked properly on the front door. Only they didn’t do that very often; only when they had to communicate on some piece of mission or organizational business. In fact now the only time they were in each other’s home for a meal was when they had outside visitors who came to the station. Then they would take turns hosting the visitors for meals and include the other in the invitation to keep up outward appearances. As soon as the visitors left, they would retreat into their own separate and largely silent worlds.

This is a true story. I know, because one of those women told me the story. I asked her, “How long did you live like that?” She replied, “For over 20 years!”

Isn’t that a sad story? It is a story full of pain and anger and hurt and misery. Yet it is an all too common story. Maybe you have a story of your own like that which you could tell. Conflict, disharmony and broken relationships; we have all experienced them. Maybe you are living such a story right now.

What light does the Bible shed on such stories? Does it give us any clues as to the origin and cause of such conflicts? More importantly, does it point the way to both prevention and cure? I believe it does.

One of the underlying themes running through Paul’s letter to the Philippians is that of the need for unity in the church. Paul has repeatedly called for unity, beginning back in Philippians 1:27: that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel. In 2:2 he calls on them to be like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. In 2:3-11, he points out the way to true unity through humility and through exhibiting the mind of Christ. And in 2:14, he calls on the Philippians to give up complaining and arguing. With so many admonitions to unity and harmony, we can only conclude that Paul is concerned about tensions and disharmony within the congregation.

In the paragraph before us today, the problem becomes very clear and explicit. In fact, Paul becomes so specific he begins to name names.

(Read Philippians 4:1-7)

In thinking about these verses, I want to make several observations. There is a tendency to think that disharmony and conflict and interpersonal tension are problems of the immature and the uncommitted; those who have nothing better to do than sit around and make up silly problems. But in this case, nothing could be further from the truth. Although those two women are not mentioned anywhere else in Scripture, this text itself makes it clear that they were among the early and most committed believers in the Philippian church. Paul refers to them as women who contended at his side in the cause of the gospel and he includes them among his fellow workers.

Interpersonal conflict is not the exclusive domain of the weak or uncommitted. It can affect and disrupt the ministries of very mature and committed believers. We see a prime example of this in the book of Acts, when Paul and Barnabas, at the beginning of their second missionary journey, had such a sharp disagreement over their choice of ministry helper that they parted company and formed two different teams.

Another observation I would make is that conflict is a two sided problem. I find it instructive here that Paul does not single out one or the other of these women as the source of the problem. He appeals equally to both of them to seek unity in the Lord. They both have contributed to the problem and they both must be part of the solution. We are so quick to justify our own position and in the process make the problem all the other person’s fault. As long as we hold that ground, there can be no resolution. We must also be careful about taking sides when we are drawn into a conflict. If I have learned one thing over the years, it is that there is always another side to the story.

One more observation: these women needed help to resolve their differences. We see this in Paul’s appeal to the “true yokefellow”. I am not sure if this is an appeal to a specific person, or a general appeal to any one who regarded himself as true partner in ministry. In either case, the application is the same. These women needed help. Sometimes a conflict has gone on so long and become so complex that it will take outside intervention and mediation to find a solution. Peace making is messy and often thankless work, but it is a necessary task at times. If we are aware of such problems, we need to be willing to offer help when it is appropriate. There is a difference between being a peace maker and simply being a conflict avoider!

When we come to verse 4, we arrive at a critical interpretive question that I believe is the key to the whole passage. The question is this: Is verse 3 the end of a paragraph or thought unit? Does verse 4 introduce a new topic and an entire new line of thought? Most commentaries conclude that it does. Paul has finished his comments regarding the two women, and now goes on to give a series of new exhortations and commands on different subjects. Personally, I do not think this is the case. I think Paul is continuing on the same topic. He has left the personal nature of this specific problem but he is going on to give general instructions to the whole congregation on how to avoid or cope with such issues of interpersonal conflict.

I think we can summarize his instructions in three commands.

1. Choose joy.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again; Rejoice! (v. 4)

How does this verse relate to the issue of conflict? I would point out several things. The first is that joy is the antithesis of conflict. Joy and conflict are like oil and water. They do not mix. I think we all recognize that conflict robs us of joy. I remember one summer when we were in the U.S. I was getting ready to take my two sons to a professional baseball game. We had been looking forward to it for weeks. But just as we were getting ready to leave the house, a conflict erupted with one of my sons. It happens with teenagers from time to time! I don’t remember what it was about. I just remember it was sharp and intense. And I know it drained the joy and sunshine from the day. Conflict steals our joy. But I would suggest that this verse goes beyond that. You see, not only can conflict chase away joy. I believe the reverse is also true. Joy can serve as a powerful antidote to conflict.

But, you say, where do I get this joy if I’m already caught up in the conflict? To answer that question, let me make two more observations. Joy is a choice. Twice in this verse Paul tells us to rejoice, using the imperative form. It is a command. Now here is the thing. God never commands us to do something we cannot do, that we have no choice about. There is no command in Scripture that tells us to “Be tall.” We don’t control our height. But we do have a choice about joy. We can do it, or we can refuse to do it.

But here is another and very important point. Joy needs an appropriate source. That is Paul’s point in this verse. Rejoice in the Lord! It is Jesus Christ our Lord who is the true source of joy. Think back to Paul’s earlier words in Philippians 1:21: For to me to live is Christ.  Think of Philippians 3:10: That I may know Christ! Paul’s life and his thoughts were focused on Christ, and he could always rejoice when he thought of Christ and his love and his salvation and the eternal hope he had in Christ. Rejoice in the Lord!  Take your eyes off the problem and fix them on Christ. There is no better way to put your problems and your conflicts into proper perspective.

2. Display gentleness.

Paul continues in verse 5: Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

This verse confirms my conviction that Paul is continuing on the same theme. This word “gentleness” (or “moderation” as it is translated in the KJV) is another ideal antidote to conflict. One commentator defined the word this way: “fairmindedness, the attitude of a man who is charitable towards men’s faults and merciful in his judgment of their failings because he takes their whole situation into his reckoning. It is the spirit of willingness to yield under trial which shows itself in a refusal to retaliate when attacked.”

This is a quality of Christian character that we are to demonstrate to all. I think James gives a good commentary on this quality in James 3:13-18, in which he contrasts the two kinds of so called “wisdom.” (Read James 3:13-18) One breeds conflict, the other produces peace and harmony. Focus on displaying gentleness, the true wisdom that comes from heaven. Such a reaction on our part will prevent many conflicts from flaring up, and will give us a valuable tool in resolving tensions that already exist.

This display of gentleness is linked in Paul’s mind in some way with the fact that the Lord is near. Whether we interpret this sentence in the light of Christ’s return, or to his spiritual proximity to us as believer to both see and evaluate our actions or to help us in time of need, I am not sure. Personally, I find it settling and reassuring and it helps me to gain a better perspective to simply take a deep breath and utter these words: “The Lord is near.”

These next two verses are widely memorized and quoted and have been a great comfort to countless believers down through the ages, and rightly so. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (verses 6-7)

While this text has very wide application, I do not want us to miss the added insight we gain by keeping it grounded in the context of this paragraph. We might ask, “What is the link between this verse and the underlying problem of conflict that we have been talking about?  If you think about it, anxiety and conflict are often very closely related. For one thing, anxiety is an atmosphere that breeds conflict.

Picture the setting. Husband and wife are in the car. They are on their way to a dinner engagement. They are late. The traffic is heavy. And they don’t know exactly where the house or apartment is. You tell me what happens next. It is a context ripe for conflict, isn’t it? And the conflict is really exacerbated if not actually caused by the anxiety. Let me suggest something. Go back over a recent conflict that you have been engaged in. I strongly suspect that you will not have to dig very deeply into the root causes of the tension before you find anxiety as a contributing cause. The reverse is also true. Conflict in turn creates more anxiety. These two feed on each other.

Into the midst of this vicious cycle come these soothing words: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Here is the third command.

3. Turn your worries into prayers.

Instead of stewing about the problem, give it to God in prayer. Let him carry it. Trust him to work it out. Notice that it should be prayer accompanied by thanksgiving. Problems tend to expand in our minds until they fill our whole vision. Stopping to give thanks takes our minds off the problem and causes us to focus on what God has done and is doing in our lives. Our entire perspective changes. I once read a quote on a plaque that said: “Worry is assuming responsibility God never intended us to have.” Prayer is how we give that responsibility back to God and trust him to fulfill it.

What will be the result? I love verse 7: And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Isn’t that fantastic? We are often quick to latch onto that peace as a matter of internal peace only. But I don’t think it is any coincidence that a paragraph that started out talking about two women who were at odds and in conflict with each other ends up talking about peace. Internal peace and harmony with other people are two sides of the same coin.

The imagery of this verse is beautiful as well. The word “guard” is used of posting a guard or standing watch. The peace of God will stand guard duty over our hearts and minds. It is a wonderful promise.

Choose joy. Display gentleness. Turn your worries into prayers. I believe these three simple commands represent both prevention and cure to the problem of interpersonal conflict. Think about them. Apply them. And may the peace of God be with you.